So it’s been a while since I last blogged, like a month?Anyways here’s the update:
Well I made it through high school,yay!!! Honestly speaking though,graduation was one of the most stressful parts of my year…or at least the activities associated with the end of senior year were stressful (i.e prom)
So what have I learned within these past few weeks
1. Don’t be THAT girl; you know what I’m talking about. The girl who latches onto a guy and then just begs for his attention until he finally just caves. Or better yet don’t be the girl who makes out with someone after knowing them for a second. You’ll be shocked at the secrets that lie beneath the gorgeous exterior of a chiseled face .
2.The summer is an amazing time to learn more yourself about the people you’ve surrounded yourself with.Me personally,I’ve learned that I have an obsessive personality. Maybe it’s me attempting to fix things,or maybe it’s me trying to hold on to something permanent and bigger than myself. Or possibly,I am just addicted to misery and the morbid events of life.
3.I recently participated in a science fair/convention with people my age from all over the United States, and I learned the most vital lesson of all which I have yet to fully understand: life exists outside of my nucleus. It’s the strangest concept that I guess we all figure that we’ve always known.But seriously think about the actuality of it; there is life outside of our own.
Sometimes,on nights like this I can’t help but to feel as if I’m in the Matrix and being asked which pill I want to take.Boy does it feel like I’m spiraling down a rabbit hole. However,it also makes everything seem so small in comparison to this enlightenment.Like for one: it doesn’t matter that the guy I’ve been pondering- more earnestly:obsessing- over for months on end (without the slightest indication that he feels the same-unless you count that one night described in an earlier blog) is moving on and enjoying life.I’m meant to move on from this too. It doesn’t matter that I’m feeling differently about the people I thought were my genuine friends for the past two years;I’m meant to move on from this.LIFE DOES NOT STAND STILL! We are ever moving mountaintops.
But,the funny thing about all of this is even as I’m writing it,I can’t help but to feel as if I need to stay,hold on to something here;even though there’s nothing left to grasp.No amount of therapy,meditation,or coaxing can fix me:I am a broken soul.I’m that girl;the girl that can’t move on,can’t find inner peace,can’t just be without questioning every move,every breath,every intention.
I’m the girl who doesn’t understand limits and not in a good way,I’m the girl who can’t even admit to herself when she’s upset,I’m the girl who has forgotten how to break down and cry. I’m THAT girl. It doesn’t make me strong it just makes me a coward of my own unwarranted emotions.
To think,thousands of years,and evolution and what the human soul fears the most isn’t animal,man,nature,or death,it’s our own being.
I’m definitely a science (type green person)…. I get angry when people begin to act stupid.
Can we all take a second to let that sink in: people, act, stupid.
I cannot begin to describe the stupidity I have encountered within the past few weeks, and really for that matter,months. You would think that it wasn’t a new year already, but the STUPIDITY I have lined up before me has enough to last until 2020. It is just soo….. UGHHH.
I can’t even describe it, it’s just a sound that tears through the core of my stomach and rips thorough my throat. It stings. It hurts. And it’s ridiculous that I still, after so many years, allow other people’s stupidity to affect me like this. FOR WHY?
It’s because I’m a control freak, and I’m just know realizing this, but I am. And, it’s also because people act stupid. We as a whole ( excuse me for clumping you all together) rather take the easy way out, and be lazy than to get what needs to be done, done. I don’t understand it.
I don’t understand how an entire generation comes to be like this, I don’t understand how a grown man acts like this, I just don’t understand. Someone please explain.
I have so much anger within right now, that I don’t even want to leave the house. I fear for other people at this point. Because if someone says the wrong thing to me today……… I have a hurricane and then some waiting for them.
So please, take this post lightly, enjoy your saturday; I’m going to go watch a Bollywood and eat.
Because food could never be stupid.